The Danger of Idealism in Marriage

If you base your views about relationships on cheesy romance novels or Hollywood chick-flicks you are not only in for a rude awakening, but you may also be putting your marriage (or future marriage) in jeopardy.  Research shows that couples who believe in the concept of "soul mates" are at much higher risk of disenchantment, conflict, and divorce.  Couples who hold the more traditional view of marriage being based on a lifelong mutual commitment are happier, fight less, and are more likely to stay together.

Constructive Criticism in Marriage

It is inevitable in marriages that partners will, at some point, have complaints about each other that need to be expressed.  Certainly patience and mutual tolerance should be exercised to the greatest degree possible.  Not every imperfection or shortcoming needs to be vocalized.  However, there are legitimate circumstances in which the best course of action for the relationship is to convey a grievance regarding some negative behavior or other issue.  Unfortunately, many people approach such discussions in a way that leads to conflict - which exacerbates the problem.

Resolution: Methods of Dealing with Conflict

Without question, the best manner in which couples handle conflicts that arise in marriage is to arrive at a resolution as a team.  Resolving conflicts involves one or both partners changing their expectations or desired outcomes based on an open dialogue.  The goal is to form an agreement while maintaining a strong relationship.  Below are some things to keep in mind with respect to resolving conflicts in your marriage.

Love is Not Proud

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 delineates several critical attributes that reveal the force and nature of love. Among these is the sentiment that love is not proud. What does scripture mean by this statement? What is the practical application of this principle with respect to the love between a husband and a wife?

Benchmarks of Divorce

Marriage researchers have identified three key benchmarks of typical marriages in which divorce is more likely to occur.  These benchmarks are simply phases of married life that have potential to produce conditions that threaten the relationship.  Why is this important?  If your goal is a happy, committed, enduring marriage it is good to know something about these challenging marital phases in order to navigate through them successfully.

Couples Who Pray Together

You have probably heard the old adage, "couples who pray together stay together."  You may be pleased to discover that this expression is more than just popular wisdom. Research studies have verified what Bible believing, God fearing people have understood for ages. Married couples who pray, study scripture, attend church, and otherwise jointly participate in spiritual activities really do enjoy significantly higher levels of marital happiness and satisfaction.

Infidelity and Cultural Hypocrisy

It is no secret that infidelity is a major problem in American society.  Despite the severity and extent of the issue most rational people will state that they believe being unfaithful to one's spouse is wrong.  In fact, studies show that about 85% of Americans disapprove of marital infidelity.  Unfortunately, while an overwhelming majority of people voice condemnation for those who cheat on their spouse a sizable portion of these same people are cheaters themselves. 

Love Yourself and Strengthen Your Marriage

Scripture declares that we should each love others in the same manner that we love ourselves (Lev. 19:8, Mat. 22:39, Mar. 12:31, Rom. 13:9, Gal. 5:14, Jas. 2:8).  The "golden rule" taught by Jesus states that we should each treat others the way in which we would like to be treated (Mat. 7:12, Luk. 6:31).  Indeed, the only way we can truly know how to respect and esteem others is to first have self-respect and self-esteem.  A person with a negative self-image will invariably depreciate others and treat them poorly.  The Bible, in all it's wisdom, works from the assumption that positive human interactions are only possible when people love themselves first.  That is, when they have an appreciation of their own worth, strive to fulfill their own needs, seek happiness, and have a healthy sense of self-confidence, personal regard, and dignity.  Self-love is a critical component to successful relationships.  This is especially true in marriage.

Compromise: Methods of Dealing with Conflict

The ability to successfully navigate through conflicts is a critical skill for enduring marriages.  Unfortunately, it is also a skill that most couples learn the hard way.  There are more harmful methods of dealing with conflict than there are helpful ones.  To make matters worse, it's the harmful methods to which most people instinctively gravitate.  Fortunately, there are some beneficial options for handling marital disputes.  One of the more common ways that can lead to a positive outcome is compromise.

The Inattentive Spouse

It can be an annoying experience to be speaking to your spouse and then realize that he/she has not been hearing what you are saying.  While there are instances in which people simply act rudely and ignore their partner, this not generally the case.  More often then not when people fail to listen attentively it is because they are distracted or preoccupied by other stimuli.  Regardless of the reason, it is common for people to feel invalidated when they are not being heard.  This leads to frustration which can lead to conflict and problems in the marriage.  Therefore, it is important to understand the causes of inattention and learn how to handle it in a constructive way to preserve healthy communication. 

Old Flames on Facebook

It is a bad idea to connect with anyone on Facebook (or other social media sites) whom your spouse distrusts or is otherwise uncomfortable.  There are numerous potential problems to your relationship that can occur in cyberspace.  [See related articles.] This is particularly true if one is naive or unsuspecting and doesn't take any measures to protect his/her marriage.  There is one type of Facebook connection that has an especially elevated risk of marital peril - connecting with an "old flame".

Love Does Not Boast

One of the primary features, according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, that reveals the force and nature of love is the sentiment that love does not boast. The meaning of this expression is multifaceted. The Greek term - variously rendered as boastful, vaunted, vainglorious, conceited, and braggart – appears nowhere else in the Bible and is also rare in ancient literature. There are several explanations regarding the significance of this important principle. Each sheds much light on the role of love in the Christian life and, by extension, the spirit of love in marriage.

Betrayal Begins in the Mind

Not long ago when the womanizing escapades of a famous professional athlete hit the media, a well-known sports talk-radio personality made the statement: "A man is only as faithful as his opportunities dictate."  He went on to explain that, in his view, rich and famous men have infinitely more attractive alternatives than the average man and that the temptation from these opportunities eventually overcomes marital allegiance.  While this talk-radio host was simply trying to be clever and humorous, he was actually more correct than he probably realized.  He was wrong about two things, however.  This pattern is not limited only to rich and famous people.  And, it is not limited only to men.