Can You Trust Your Feelings?

Often when there is conflict in a marriage spouses experience various negative thoughts and emotions that are automatically triggered by the events and circumstances taking place in the relationship.  When this happens, however, we should ask ourselves some important questions.  Can I trust that these instincts are correct?  Do my feelings truly reflect reality?  Should I act upon them?  

Divorce is Contagious

Did you know that divorce is contagious?  Unlike the flu you won’t catch the divorce bug because someone coughs near you.  Nonetheless, researchers do classify the influence of divorce as a form of “social contagion” – the spread of ideas, attitudes, and behaviors within social networks through imitation and conformity.

Understanding Bad Moods in Marriage

When either you or your spouse experiences a bad mood it can very easily have a negative impact on your relationship.  Often the effect is only temporary.  But, if bad moods are manifested frequently and go unchecked it can result in a much more serious problem.  Below you will find some information the causes of bad moods and how they are a danger to your marriage.

Disclosing Marriage Problems to Outsiders

When marriages undergo difficult times it is normal to want to turn to friends and family for their help and support.  This can be a good thing.  But, it also has the potential to introduce unintended complications.  One thing is certain, you should use discretion and wisdom regarding the information that you share with outsiders as well as the individuals with whom you choose to share.  The purpose of this article is to discuss various factors to consider regarding speaking with outsiders about difficulties in your marriage.

10 Tips to Become a Friendlier Spouse

Often people say they want to be a better spouse or have a stronger marriage.  But many times they admit that they don’t know how to accomplish this.  One of the easiest and most effective ways is to be more friendly.  It really is that simple.  Begin to treat your mate as a genuine friend and the levels of bondedness and emotional intimacy will increase dramatically in your relationship.  Below are ten tips to get you started.

Ten Tasks for Rebuilding Marital Trust

Perhaps the most devastating thing that can take place in a marriage is when trust becomes significantly damaged between husband and wife.  Restoring this trust is generally a difficult thing to do.  It is an undertaking that does not come naturally or instinctively, so it is something we must learn.  Below, ten tasks for rebuilding trust in marriage are briefly described.  These tasks or steps are not necessarily listed in a specific order.  Nor are the explanations exhaustive as much more could be said about each one.  But, all of these ten tasks are certainly essential components to reestablish marital trust.

Telltale Signs of Troubled Marriages

There is no consensus regarding the factors that produce a happy marriage. Indeed, there are many and diverse positive characteristics that couples have discovered to make their marriages meaningful, satisfying, and mutually fulfilling. While certain themes tend to emerge in studying happy marriages not all happy marriages have all of the same positive traits in common. There are many paths to marital bliss.  On the other hand, marriage researchers have known for decades that there are specific and solidly defined factors that are accurate predictors for marital failure. In fact, a doomed relationship can be predicted with over 90% accuracy when specific negative traits are present. Nearly all failed marriages can be attributed in some way to one or more of four well-documented characteristics.

Bedtime: 3 Most Important Times of Day

The Bible admonishes us to “let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Eph. 4:26).  Some have paraphrased this scriptural mandate with the simple phrase “don’t go to bed angry”.  These are sound words to apply in any relationship or situation.  But, certainly we would be remiss if we did not apply this timeless wisdom to our marriage and home life first and foremost.  After all, our family relationships are the most important of all our human associations.

Managing Stress in Marriage

Most people are aware of the injurious personal costs of stress - those that harm the individual. However, we often do not consider the destructive interpersonal consequences - those that damage our relationships. Concerning marriage, the effects of stress can certainly present many difficult challenges. [See related article.]  But, your marriage can survive – and even thrive – despite encountering stress if you learn to manage it properly.

Causes of Stress in Marriage

Stress is a part of life.  There is simply no getting around it completely.  However, the more you learn about the causes, effects, and symptoms of stress the better you will understand how it impacts your life and your marriage.  Armed with this information, you can then take steps to manage stress more effectively, thereby strengthening and protecting the relationship between you and your spouse. [See related article.]

Returning from Work: 3 Most Important Times of Day

A speaker at a marriage conference recently made the statement: “The best times of the day to communicate with your partner are before leaving work, when returning home from work, and before going to bed.” It is certainly true that these are critical times of the day regarding marital relationships. But this is not necessarily the best time to “communicate”. There are definitely some “dos and don’ts” when it comes to communicating at these key times of the day.

Love Does Not Rejoice in Wrongdoing

Among the many lessons on love that we are able to glean from 1 Corinthians 13 is the maxim that genuine, Christian love “does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth” (I Cor 13:6 ESV). Of course, the immediate purpose of this verse (and entire chapter) is to emphasize the priority of love in ministry, fellowship, and the exercise of spiritual gifts. However, these verses also inform us greatly regarding the overall concept of love as it relates to other areas of life. Certainly we can deduce some practical instructions involving the love between a man and woman united in marriage.

Why Marriages Fail

Countless research studies and other investigations have been performed in order to gain insight into the reasons that marriages fail.  Part of the rationale for such research is that if information can be learned about problems, struggles, and the like that play a role in the dissolution of marriages then more attention can be given to identifying, preventing, and navigating through these difficult issues - thereby saving marriages.  Individuals who are sincerely committed to their partner and truly desire for their marriage to succeed can learn much from this type of information because it reveals areas to avoid and/or exercise caution.

Morning: 3 Most Important Times of Day

One should always be mindful of being loving, helpful, and respectful to his/her partner. Every day and every waking moment is important. We should never take one another for granted or misuse the time that we are blessed to have with our spouse and family. However, there are three specific times of the day that seem to hold special importance. Our words and actions during these times have significant ramifications. Indeed, how we handle these times can go a long way to either making or breaking our relationships.

Marriage Struggles and Support from Friends

Sarah and Michael were having some struggles in their marriage. Sarah was feeling lonely and dejected. She felt that she really needed someone with whom she could talk. She longed to just spill out all of her emotions to a friend and have a shoulder to cry on. She also welcomed a bit of sound advice – she was desperate. Sarah turned to her friend Melissa for help and support. They were becoming close friends.  And, Melissa was a strong person who really seemed to know a lot about relationships. This is how their conversation went…

More Forms of Control in Marriage

Attempting to control one’s spouse – whether purposely or unintentionally – is a sure way to erode affection in the relationship and eventually destroy it. Yet many couples unwittingly do this very thing. People selfishly endeavor to get their spouses to comply with their wishes. But, in the process they lose their mate’s heart as he/she becomes resentful and emotionally distant. In reality, nothing good can come of seeking to have this kind of power over one’s partner.

Forms of Control in Marriage

One of the easiest ways to destroy a marriage is for one to attempt to control his/her spouse – or for both partners to try to control each other. Yet, the problem of power and control is one of the hidden issues that affect a great number of relationships. Forms of control often exist without the couple even becoming aware of what is happening. This is because control takes many subtle forms.  Furthermore, most people have little insight regarding their propensity to be a controller.  Unfortunately, there are several attitudes and behaviors adopted by many that are aimed at controlling their mate – whether they realize it or not.

More Cognitive Biases in Marriage

Every single living person has developed biases that affect their perception and reasoning. Biases generally take the form of preconceived notions that shape the way we interpret events, circumstances, words and actions of others, and so forth. Certainly one’s biases can and do have a significant impact on marital relationships. [See previous article.]

Avoiding the Blame Game

When negative issues surface in a marriage one of the first things that both spouses typically do is begin to identify the ways in which their partner contributes to or is responsible for the problems. This is a natural and instinctive process. Very few people possess the humility and insight to perceive their own role with respect to marital discord. However, this is both an unproductive way to deal with problems and a destructive force that may put the relationship in further jeopardy.

Can Lost Love be Regained?

Luke and Rebekah sat in a marriage counselor’s office describing their feelings toward each other. They had been married for seven years and their marriage got off to a great start. Early in their relationship they described each other as “soul mates” and they were virtually inseparable. All of their family and friends thought they were perfect for each other and that they had a storybook marriage. But their counseling session today revealed details that would shock most who knew them. “We have fallen out of love” was the message they were conveying to the counselor. They both felt hopeless about ever regaining the strong loving feelings they used to have for one another.