Can You Trust Your Feelings?

Often when there is conflict in a marriage spouses experience various negative thoughts and emotions that are automatically triggered by the events and circumstances taking place in the relationship.  When this happens, however, we should ask ourselves some important questions.  Can I trust that these instincts are correct?  Do my feelings truly reflect reality?  Should I act upon them?  

Tips for Expressing Gratitude

Expressing gratitude to your spouse is one of the best things you can do to foster happiness in your marriage.  Feeling appreciated keeps the feeling of being respected and valued alive.  It helps us maintain an intimate bond with our mate.  It even impacts how committed we are to the relationship.  These are just a few of the positive effects of gratitude in marriage.  [See related article].

The Power of Gratitude

Experts in business, leadership, management, and related fields have articulated the benefits of expressing gratitude for quite a long time.  Customers are more loyal when they feel appreciated.  Employees are significantly more productive when they receive positive recognition for their achievements.  Students work harder when their teacher acknowledges effort.  Volunteers donate their time more frequently when they are thanked for their service.

Disclosing Marriage Problems to Outsiders

When marriages undergo difficult times it is normal to want to turn to friends and family for their help and support.  This can be a good thing.  But, it also has the potential to introduce unintended complications.  One thing is certain, you should use discretion and wisdom regarding the information that you share with outsiders as well as the individuals with whom you choose to share.  The purpose of this article is to discuss various factors to consider regarding speaking with outsiders about difficulties in your marriage.

5 Keys to Success in Marriage

There exists an age old question regarding which type of relationship style provides the best potential for a happy marriage.  What is the ideal blend of personalities, interests, backgrounds, experiences, and other characteristics that results in marital bliss?  There is not a single correct answer.  Couples manage to find success in marriage in all sorts of circumstances -and virtually anywhere on the relationship style spectrum.  However, marriage experts have identified a few key factors that serve to predict happy and lasting unions.  The most important of these characteristics are discussed, below.

Mutual Accountability in Marriage

One frequently overlooked dynamic of successful marriages is mutual accountability between husband and wife.  Indeed, mutual accountability is essential to a healthy, harmonious union.  Many happy couples may naturally employ these principles into their relationship without really realizing it.  Others deliberately make it a point of emphasis in the marriage.  In any case, husbands and wives who are not mutually accountable to one another are generally putting their relationship at risk of harm.

Ten Tasks for Rebuilding Marital Trust

Perhaps the most devastating thing that can take place in a marriage is when trust becomes significantly damaged between husband and wife.  Restoring this trust is generally a difficult thing to do.  It is an undertaking that does not come naturally or instinctively, so it is something we must learn.  Below, ten tasks for rebuilding trust in marriage are briefly described.  These tasks or steps are not necessarily listed in a specific order.  Nor are the explanations exhaustive as much more could be said about each one.  But, all of these ten tasks are certainly essential components to reestablish marital trust.

Telltale Signs of Troubled Marriages

There is no consensus regarding the factors that produce a happy marriage. Indeed, there are many and diverse positive characteristics that couples have discovered to make their marriages meaningful, satisfying, and mutually fulfilling. While certain themes tend to emerge in studying happy marriages not all happy marriages have all of the same positive traits in common. There are many paths to marital bliss.  On the other hand, marriage researchers have known for decades that there are specific and solidly defined factors that are accurate predictors for marital failure. In fact, a doomed relationship can be predicted with over 90% accuracy when specific negative traits are present. Nearly all failed marriages can be attributed in some way to one or more of four well-documented characteristics.

Returning from Work: 3 Most Important Times of Day

A speaker at a marriage conference recently made the statement: “The best times of the day to communicate with your partner are before leaving work, when returning home from work, and before going to bed.” It is certainly true that these are critical times of the day regarding marital relationships. But this is not necessarily the best time to “communicate”. There are definitely some “dos and don’ts” when it comes to communicating at these key times of the day.

Morning: 3 Most Important Times of Day

One should always be mindful of being loving, helpful, and respectful to his/her partner. Every day and every waking moment is important. We should never take one another for granted or misuse the time that we are blessed to have with our spouse and family. However, there are three specific times of the day that seem to hold special importance. Our words and actions during these times have significant ramifications. Indeed, how we handle these times can go a long way to either making or breaking our relationships.

Level Five Communication: Emotions and Needs

Most couples realize that positive communication is a necessary component of a successful marriage. But, knowing how to communicate effectively in a relationship is not a skill that comes naturally to many. The first thing that must be recognized in order to develop better communication is that there are various, progressive levels. Each level is important and has its place. But deeper degrees of bondedness and intimacy is only achieved at the higher levels of communication.

Avoiding the Blame Game

When negative issues surface in a marriage one of the first things that both spouses typically do is begin to identify the ways in which their partner contributes to or is responsible for the problems. This is a natural and instinctive process. Very few people possess the humility and insight to perceive their own role with respect to marital discord. However, this is both an unproductive way to deal with problems and a destructive force that may put the relationship in further jeopardy.

Level Four Communication: Sharing Personal Information

Positive communication is essential for marriages to thrive. However, some people mistake merely engaging in discussion as positive communication. While it is true that any communication that does not lead to conflict or problems is positive in one sense, not all communication brings the same benefit to the relationship. Specifically, one of the objectives of communication in marriage is to develop and maintain a sense of bondedness and intimacy between partners. However, talking about the news and the weather will not accomplish this. Deeper levels of interaction are required to achieve this important goal.

Gender Differences in Bonding and Friendship

Have you ever noticed at get-togethers with adult family and friends that frequently people naturally separate into two groups? Often the women will gravitate to one room to converse with one another while the men gather in another room to watch a sports event, play video games, or engage in some other activity. There is a reason for this tendency. And, the same concept relates to marital intimacy and efforts to bond with your spouse.

Level Three Communcication: Sharing Your Own Ideas

There are many ways that couples communicate with one another. Some are positive while others are negative. Even among positive forms of communication there are various methods that achieve different results. Marriage experts have identified five progressive levels of marital communication. [See introductory article.] Each successive level leads to deeper intimacy and closeness which results in a stronger relationship. This article describes the third level of communication in marriage: sharing your own ideas.

Level Two Communication: Ideas of Others

Everyone knows (or should know) that communication is one of the most critical keys to marital bliss. Your spouse may be telling you, “we never talk.” But, you truly believe that you and your mate talk all of the time. Herein lies the dilemma – not all communication is equal. Perhaps what your spouse really means is that he/she is longing for a different, more intimate form of interaction.  This article describes the second level of communication: ideas of others.

Level One Communication: Facts and Information

There are five basic levels of communication in which married couples engage. [See previous article.] All five levels are important and positive in that they build a connection and bond between partners. However, the potential to achieve a greater level of intimacy (closeness, affection, understanding, etc.) increases with each level. This brief article details the first level of marital communication:  facts and information.

Uncovering Deeper Issues of Marital Conflict

There are many causes of conflict in a typical marriage. Of course, it is perfectly normal for disagreements and arguments to take place between two mates. But when quarrels get particularly nasty, become prolonged, or continually reoccur it may be a sign that the source of the tension is something other than the supposed reason for the disputes. It could be that there are deeper more fundamental issues lurking below the surface that are never really addressed – and sometimes aren't even known.

Levels of Communication

It is no secret that meaningful communication enhances the marital relationship. It is equally true that a lack of communication or negative communication will undermine a marriage. While most people are aware of these well established facts, few make a concerted effort to improve communication with their spouse.  Indeed, it can be a rather daunting undertaking.

Constructive Criticism in Marriage

It is inevitable in marriages that partners will, at some point, have complaints about each other that need to be expressed.  Certainly patience and mutual tolerance should be exercised to the greatest degree possible.  Not every imperfection or shortcoming needs to be vocalized.  However, there are legitimate circumstances in which the best course of action for the relationship is to convey a grievance regarding some negative behavior or other issue.  Unfortunately, many people approach such discussions in a way that leads to conflict - which exacerbates the problem.