Love is Not Self-Seeking

The Bible teaches that one of the prominent characteristics that reveals the force and nature of love is that it “seeketh not her own” (1 Corinthian 13:5, KJV) or “is not self-seeking” (NIV). Essentially this means that those who embody true, biblical love do not insist upon their own way or their own rights. Rather, those who genuinely love neither take any thought for themselves nor pursue their own interests. They are unselfish. In a culture that is overrun with a sense of entitlement and egocentrism, this is a critical lesson to be learned. This is especially the case when it comes to one of the most selfish ventures of our times – marriage.

The Health Benefits of Marriage

Despite the fact that the institution of traditional marriage is undeservedly taking hits on many fronts in our culture, there are many undeniable benefits and advantages that married couples possess.  To mention just a few areas, married couples enjoy more financial stability, better social support, fewer addiction problems, better family relationships, and greater levels of overall happiness.  In addition to all of these facts demonstrated by research, there is another extremely positive characteristic of marriage that may surprise you.  There are many extraordinary health benefits associated with traditional marriage.

Gender Differences in Bonding and Friendship

Have you ever noticed at get-togethers with adult family and friends that frequently people naturally separate into two groups? Often the women will gravitate to one room to converse with one another while the men gather in another room to watch a sports event, play video games, or engage in some other activity. There is a reason for this tendency. And, the same concept relates to marital intimacy and efforts to bond with your spouse.

Harboring Negative Perceptions in Marriage

Harboring negative perceptions about your spouse can be incredibly destructive to your marriage. Unfortunately, it occurs in the vast majority of marriages to some degree. This is problematic for a number of reasons. What are negative perceptions, how do they harm marital relationships, and what can be done to combat this tendency?

Marital Fitness

One useful and fun way to view developing and maintaining a healthy marriage is to think about the analogy of physical health and fitness. Heath care professionals promote a nutritional diet and physical exercise as the most critical components for achieving and sustaining a healthy lifestyle. You can survive, at least for a time, without engaging in either. But you won’t reap the daily and long term benefits that these important disciplines provide. Similarly, if you neglect regular care and attention to your marital relationship you may not perceive any immediate negative effects. But, the long term implications of this neglect will become evident over time. You will also miss out on many wonderful benefits that can be experienced in your life together now.

Level Three Communcication: Sharing Your Own Ideas

There are many ways that couples communicate with one another. Some are positive while others are negative. Even among positive forms of communication there are various methods that achieve different results. Marriage experts have identified five progressive levels of marital communication. [See introductory article.] Each successive level leads to deeper intimacy and closeness which results in a stronger relationship. This article describes the third level of communication in marriage: sharing your own ideas.

Human Bias and Marriage Problems

There is a very simple reason why no marriage is perfect. Human beings are flawed. There is not a single man or woman alive who is not without fault. So, it stands to reason that the imperfections of both husband and wife will combine to create an imperfect union. One of the shortcomings that we human beings all share is that we are biased in our thinking. Certainly your biases can have a significant aspect on your marital relationship.

Individualism, Independence, and Marriage

It is no secret that traditional marriage and family values have taken a huge hit in our culture over the past few decades. And, the future does not look much brighter. It has been reported that less than half of teenagers and young adults now believe that choosing marriage over remaining single or cohabitating (living together) leads to fuller happier lives. Premarital sex, cohabitation, and choosing to bear children outside of marriage are accepted options by many today. Never mind the fact that social research has repeatedly demonstrated the problematic consequences of these practices. How did our collective view of marriage change so dramatically?

Level Two Communication: Ideas of Others

Everyone knows (or should know) that communication is one of the most critical keys to marital bliss. Your spouse may be telling you, “we never talk.” But, you truly believe that you and your mate talk all of the time. Herein lies the dilemma – not all communication is equal. Perhaps what your spouse really means is that he/she is longing for a different, more intimate form of interaction.  This article describes the second level of communication: ideas of others.

Exploring Sources of Marital Expectations

Everyone has expectations regarding the manner in which they believe a marriage should work. Whether you realize it or not, through the course of your life you have formed ideas, beliefs and assumptions about virtually every aspect of married life. The expectations that both you and your spouse have will influence your relationship in many ways - some positively and some negatively. Therefore, it is important to understand where your expectations about marriage come from and the impact they have on marital adjustment and satisfaction.

Reasons for Sexual Infidelity

With experts estimating that up to 75% of all marriages encounter infidelity in the U.S., it is safe to say that the problem has reached epidemic proportions. Unfortunately, it is also an experience that leaves disaster in its wake. [See related article.] Because it has become such a prevalent issue in our culture that has produced countless victims, social researchers have sought to discover reasons why sexual infidelity occurs.

Level One Communication: Facts and Information

There are five basic levels of communication in which married couples engage. [See previous article.] All five levels are important and positive in that they build a connection and bond between partners. However, the potential to achieve a greater level of intimacy (closeness, affection, understanding, etc.) increases with each level. This brief article details the first level of marital communication:  facts and information.